How Unlucky Can One Get?

Yesterday was the unluckiest day in my life!

I had a PTO yesterday (Friday, 3/28/25).  The sun came out and it looked like a pretty good day to relax.

Nope!  I logged into work to do some month-end stuff and ended up working the entire morning.  I was cool about it because work is work, and I still had half a day to myself.

Well, things went downhill in the afternoon.

I went grocery shopping and planned to be home early to make a nice dinner. I dropped my phone while scanning a discount code.  It dropped and landed on the bottom of the refrigerator that was full of lunch meat.  No problem, I will just pick it up.  But guess what?  My phone disappeared!!  Somehow, it just vanished right before my eyes!

I couldn't believe it. I removed all the lunch meat from where I dropped the phone to look for it.  IT WASN'T THERE!  Where can it be?  Could it fall through the grills and end up at the bottom of the refrigerator? I asked the Store Manager to help. She said there is no way to take apart the unit but she tried to pry it open to see inside.  Nope, the phone wasn't in there.  She then called my phone. It didn't ring! Oh My God!  That was the craziest thing ever.  How could the phone just disappear right in front of my eyes?

I ran home to use the "Find My Phone" to see if I could locate it.  The phone was offline.  So that meant someone had it and turned it off. How?  When?  Could it have been picked up while I was looking for the Store Manager?

I, of course, set the phone to LOST immediately and went to get a new phone (and the thought of $$$ flying away hurt).

Then guess what?  On my way to the Apple store, a car scraped my back fender while I waited at the light.   I got off the car and was pissed,  WHY NOW?

The guy first tried to deny scraping my car, then said he would pull over to exchange info.  We were in heavy traffic at the lights, and I didn't want to inconvenience others.  So I followed him.  When the light turned green, guess what?  He took off!!

I was so mad that I actually laughed out loud.  What a day!  What next?  Yes, I would have taken a photo of his car and license plate before moving my car. But, I DIDN'T HAVE A PHONE!!

Anyway, as sucky as it was, I went to the Apple store with a smile on my face.  The Apple guy was helpful and got me a new phone quickly.  However, he could not activate my phone because I have AT&T!!  He said, sorry, AT&T needs to active my phone number on the new phone,  He said there was an AT&T store two blocks down.  Two LONG blocks, I may add.  When I got there, guess what?  The AT&T store is closed permanently!  They moved!

Ugh!  What next? I took a deep breath and drove to another AT&T store. I told the AT&T guy that I had a very bad day and I needed him to make my day better.  He was empathetic and activated my phone without trying to sell me add-ons. Thank you!!

I finally got home around 6pm.  I looked at my new phone ane still could not grasp the day's events.

It was such a bad day for me, but you know what?  I look at the bright side:

1.    My iPhone is still offline. It will be a paperweight if anyone turns it on. The phone is useless to anyone other than me.

2.    The scrape on my fender was not that bad.  I probably would not file a claim anyway.  The guy who ran away will get his karma someday.  I wish him luck.

3.    I was able to restore my data on the new phone and had my life back on track.

4.    I had a bottle of wine in the fridge, and I toasted myself for making it through this day.

Yes, I had a miserable day yesterday, but bad luck will not bring me down.  I am still kicking today.

A Beaten City

I was in the office today and decided to take a stroll down to the Ferry Building during lunch.  This was my normal lunch hour routine.  It seemed so long ago...

When the City ordered everything shut down back in March 2020 to combat COVID-19, no one would have thought that the virus could take down the city and transform it so dramatically.

I walked down California Street and saw all those familiar places no longer opened.  Locked up restaurants.  Boarded-up storefronts. Quiet streets.  No more flower stands.  No more shoeshine guys.  No more street performers.  Even no homeless people.

It was quiet in the Ferry Building. Most businesses are shuttered.  The few remaining eateries were doing some business but it was because there were no other choices.

It is a beautiful day in San Francisco, but it is just not the same.  There is no energy.  Everything seems so tired.  Even the cable car bell-ringing does not even sound perky.

I just hope this is not the new San Francisco.

2020: I Came. I Fed. I Conquered.

 
I am a volunteer feral cat feeder. My assignment is feeding a feral colony in a cemetery once a month. This is my second year volunteering. Visiting a place of eternal rest takes a different meaning for me this year because I myself, faced the possibility of death.

In January, when I came here the day after being discharged from a one-week hospital stay and being tagged stage 4, I was not sure if that was my last...

In February, I came here during my most miserable time with ascites causing swelling in my abdomen and legs. It was two days after getting my port and two days before my first chemo. I had difficulty breathing yet I pushed on because I did not know if that was my last...

When I came in March, I knew it was not my last...

From April through July, I came here and saw season change. I was hopeful that I will be here for all seasons.

In August, I came four days after my surgery, and I was happy to share good news with the kitties.

In September, I came here knowing that I have kicked cancer butts and I got a new lease on life.

Life has been back to normal since October.

Today, I just want to say: I came. I fed. I conquered.

The Day When the Sky Turns Orange

September 9, 2020 is an unforgettable day in the history book of year 2020.

People in the SF Bay Area woke up to a dark morning.  No sun. No light,  No usual bird chirping.

I thought I woke up too early. It could not be so dark at 6:30am in the morning!! I went back to sleep.  Woke up at 7:45am and the sky was still dark.

I went outside to check things out.  Our street was eerily silent.  Everything stayed still.  My street cats were waiting for me outside.  Their biological clock told them it was breakfast time but I was sure they thought it was supper time.  They ran away after finishing their meal.  I think they went back to sleep.

The smoke and ash from all the wildfires in Northern California drifted above the clouds instead of hanging below.   It is so immense that it is actually blocking out sunlight and turning the sky a shade of ominous orange.

My photo was taking at 10:49am this morning but it could have been mistaken for 10:49pm.   It is about 12:30pm now and it is still unbelievably dark outside.

I cannot image what is like to be close to the fires,  My heart is with all those who are stuck in the fire zones.  I hope you are safe.

Folks are posting incredible shots of this strange orange day.  As scary as it is, it is an incredible once in a life time phenomena that we are experiencing today.

As we go about our daily routine in darkness, we should also think how we can help to protect our environment.  Wildfire may be a natural occurrence but the cause often is manmade.  Today is a preview of what the end of the world would look like.  If we do not do our part and effect change, this day can become permanent.   What will happen if we wake up to a dark morning everyday?  No sun.  No heat.  No life.

Time is Changing

Couple of friends and I were just talking about the rapid change we see on San Pablo Avenue last night and here it is in today’s paper.

Change is inevitable but how I will miss the way it used to be.  Robert and I love cruising from San Pablo down to Berkeley on San Pablo Ave.  We love checking out  mom and pop storefronts and buildings with unique architecture.  Each street block is interesting to look at.  Soon they will be gone and the road will be lined with tall mix-used structures that have the same look and feel one after another for miles and miles.

Time is changing.  Can’t complain though.  We are all the force of change one time or another.  Each generation of us is leaving a mark for better or for worse.

Good Bye 2018

My take on 2018: Life is like homemade yogurt:

1. Keep things simple (just need milk and active culture). 

2. Slow down and appreciate (it takes 10 hours to incubate).

3. Have fun (add whatever toppings you like).

4. Enjoy the moment (yummy and healthy).

5. Do not give up (if you fail making it, try again).

6. Be kind and generous (don’t eat all by yourself).

Thank you 2018!

Street Cat TNR - A Year Later

Below is a repost of what I put on the Nextdoor community last week (08/12/18).  My post brought out folks who have been doing TNR in the community to talk about their experiences.  So touched to learn that there are many folks who care about animals and the environment.  My post also generated discussions around TNR, and my successful attempt encouraged some to look into doing the same in their neighborhoods.  I am happy to know that I have made a difference.

BE PART OF SOLUTION NOT PROBLEM!

Dear Neighbors, I started trapping feral cats on my street last September (first trapping 9/10/17) and to date, with help from a cat rescuer, we have trapped 27 cats on my half of the street alone. We trapped the last kitties, #26 & #27, this morning. For the time being, all the cats around here are sterilized and vaccinated. My neighbors and I noticed a significant difference. We have FEWER cats (the number went down from 24 to 12 or so). The ones around keep to themselves. Less meowing, fighting, spraying and roaming. Both humans and cats are happier now. I encourage you, who want to do something about the feral cats in your neighborhood, to look into TNR. There are many wonderful organizations that will help you. I have learned so much about cats and rescues from them, and gained much respect for all animal rescuers out there. You must have a big heart and passion to do what you do day in and day out. ❤️ ONE unsterilized female cat and her offsprings can produce 225 cats in two years*. I’m happy that this cycle is broken on my street. I will continue to monitor and trap new cats that try to move in, but they will most likely be chased alway by the resident cats. A big THANK YOU to my neighbors who have been supportive of my effort in this past 11 months. It is truly a community effort. * Some more statistics on feral cat reproduction rate: http://www.solanoferals.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=60&Itemid=65

TNR 101

There are about 24 feral cats living on my street.  They might have arrived about a year ago.  I wasn't paying attention.  First there was one, then two, then four, then eight...  A neighbor was feeding them at first.  Little by little, the colony grew, and few other neighbors (including me) started feeding them as well.

My cat story started with providing water to a little black and white kitty on one hot day last year.  Later on, I bought a little bag of cat food for her.  She liked it and started showing up everyday. Words must have gone out in the colony because more and more cats started showing up for food.  I have about 10 regulars.  I went from buying little ounce-size bags of cat food to 25-pound bags now.  Yes, I have become a CAT LADY.

I started paying more attention to the cats when the little black and white kitty got pregnant earlier this year.  She was a kitty herself.  In no time, new kitties were running around on our street.  Over the summer, there was a cat population explosion.  So many cats!  So many kitties!!

Some neighbors start complaining yet no one did anything about it.  Well, guess what, someone has to take action, and that person is me.

I looked into TNR.  Trap-Neuter-Return.  A humane way to control feral animal population without hurting them.  But where do I start?   How do I start?

After some research, I connected with Homeless Cat Network based in Belmont, CA.  What a wonderful non-profit organization that dedicates to feral cats.  They hooked me up with a volunteer who does cat trapping during her spare time and they paid for the expense of neutering these cats.  WOW!  To reciprocate their kindness, I made a cash donation to cover some of the surgery cost.  However, I can never donate enough to support their good deeds!!

Talking about learning on the job.  In no time, I learned to set up traps and tend to the cats after trapping.  Yap!  I'm a part-time cat trapper now.  From the first weekend in September through last weekend (4 weekends), we trapped total of 18 cats!!  We do trapping on Sundays.  The volunteer takes the cats to the vet on Monday morning to be examined, neutered/spayed, vaccinated and microchipped.  She then return them to my street on Monday nights.  She did all the hard work!!  My job was mainly PR with the neighbors informing them what we are doing and educating them on the concept of TNR.

All the TNRed cats are marked with a tipped left ear.  This is so if they were picked up Animal Control, they will be released because they belong to a managed cat colony.  The microchip will ensure that they are returned to the neighborhood if they ended up in shelters.  In other words, these cats are safe from being captured and destroyed.

It has been a satisfying experience.  Most all the cats now that show up have little tipped left ears and that just makes me smile.

There are still few more cats to trap but I hope we are already making a difference. I'm so proud of myself for being part of the solution and not problem.

Good job, Suts (pat myself on the back)!!

Kindness All Around

It's fun eating at a communal table especially in Chinatown.   The seating is usually cramped, and everyone just takes any seat available.  Often, people start chatting with complete strangers and in no time, they are talking like old pals.

Today at the Little Paris pho place, I shared a table with two ladies. Since I was sitting near the wall, I passed them the chopsticks, condiment dishes and spoons.  One lady was getting everyone the condiments.  We exchanged pleasantries while helping each other. For few minutes, we were like a family eating together although we were strangers to each other. 

This reminds me of a little story.  One time, Mom and I shared a table with an elderly couple. I poured them tea because it seemed to be the right thing to do in the presence of older folks. They were thrilled that I was polite and respectful to the elders so they insisted on buying us lunch.  

It's nice to know that there are times and places where people are nice to each other for no other reason than just being nice.

Paper, Plastic, Insulated or Nostalgic?

(Yawn!!)  I got bored using paper/plastic shopping bags to carry my lunch day in and day out.  Yes, a great way to recycle shopping bags but they are either too big or too small. Moreover, I feel like a walking advertisement for these brands.

You don't like that?  Buy your own lunch bags.

Many years ago, I had one of the earlier insulated lunch bags when they first came on the market.  It was by Eddie Bauer.  It was pretty cool back then but ubiquitous now.  The bag was only big enough for a sandwich; bulky, and bulkier with a ice pack.  I used it couple of times and lost interest.  For one, I needed a shopping bag for this bag (with chilled sandwich inside), other snacks and beverage.  It defeated the purpose of having a lunch bag, no?  OK, a BIGGER insulated bag will work, but meh...

So I started a quest.

I know I want a nostalgic tin lunchbox, just like the ones I had when I was little.  Back then, almost every kid had one in their hands as we waited for the school bus.  We couldn't wait to open it and to check out what others had in their lunchbox.  In those days, lunchbox food was pretty boring.  Most of the time it was a sandwich, a banana or an apple.  Some had beverage in a matching cheap tumbler, but the drink would be lukewarm by lunchtime.  No pasta or other fancy food because we did not have insulated double-wall containers to keep food hot or cold.  And, no colorful compartmentalized food containers too.

I searched and looked and, lo and behold, I found what I was looking for.  

Ta-Da!  Isn't it cute??  It is the perfect size too.  I can fit my bento box, coffee tumbler and a small fruit.  OK.  It doesn't keep my food warm but that is what microwave oven is for.

I have been bringing my lunchbox to work almost everyday.  I feel like a kid as I walk to and from work swinging my lunchbox.  I was self-conscious at first, but, very quickly, I decided that what the heck, this is me.  This is the inner me.  I'm a kid at heart and I don't care!

A Simple Pleasure.

Few folks on the street have complimented my Joe Cool lunchbox.  One guy said that I may be setting a trend and that he would not be surprised to see more folks carrying one in a year time.

Can you imagine bunch of us grownups dashing through the streets, running to catch a bus, waving lunchbox screaming, "wait for me!!!"  HAHA!!  I would love that very much.


The action of putting the lunchbox down on the table, flipping up the latch and lifting the top to reveal what was inside was every kid's delight of the day.  I am sure today's kids feel the same as they peer into their state-of-the-art lunch bags.

Past and present; young and old; I think all of us will always be excited about our lunchboxes.

Somethings never change...

On the Road Again

  

(The view from my office window)

After eight and a half years with my current employer, I've decided to move on.  My last day with Paul Capital will be tomorrow, April 30, 2015.

It has been a fun ride with PCA.  I started at the time of its boom.  I had a chance to learn about hiring in this mega $$$$$ earning field.  The compensation package design was an eye-opening experience for me.  But hey, I got used to it.  After all, we are in the investment services business where transactions are valued in hundreds of millions and/or billions of dollars.  I got a chance to dive into international HR.  That was such a valuable experience and the best knowledge I picked up from this gig.  I trained myself not to impose US labor standards onto other country's labor practices.  Some country's labor laws are actually more stringent than the US.  I had a kick learning to appreciate Brazil's pro-labor compensation to employees (yes, love those vacation allowances) and HK's 20 some-odd public holidays per year.  UK is stingy but sure loves their regulated paid leaves.  And if you work in France, considered yourself one of the luckiest workers in the world!

After eight and a half years, I got restless and felt plateaued out.  Although I'm over the hill (age wise), I still feel like an Energizer Bunny.  There is still so much to learn and absorb.  I wanted a change.  JOB GOD must have heard me and dropped an opportunity on my lap -- literally.  A recruiter, whom I met last year, called me out of the blue regarding a Director level HR opportunity.  I met with seven folks and they offered me the position within two weeks.  It happened quite suddenly.  I had to make a decision very quickly whether I was really ready to leave this comfy zone and venture into the land of unknowns in the name of promotion.  Decisions.  Decisions.  Decisions.  At the end, I decided that going out there is the right direction for me.

What's ahead of me?  Who knows!  That's the challenging part that keeps me going.  What's at the next turn?  What's up ahead?  We will find out when I'm on the road again.

Wish my luck peeps!

So I am Now a Statistics

About 1,000 wallets and purses get stolen every 2 minutes in the U.S according to www.answers.com.  Well, my wallet was one of them yesterday.

Sometime between going to work in the morning and coming out from the gym during lunch yesterday, my wallet was stolen.  My car was broken into before and things stolen before, but never anything as personal as my wallet.  And just to think, someone actually reached into my bag to take out the wallet.  Ugh!!

At about the same time that I discovered my wallet missing, I started getting fraud alerts from credit card companies and my bank.  Thanks to modern technology, credit card companies and banks know that certain transactions just don't make sense on my accounts.  $600 at Armani.  $400 at Victoria Secrets.  $400 at Timberland.  $400 at Walgreens.  Hello?

When I saw these fraudulent transactions popping up on my online accounts, I wondered what were the thieves thinking, or maybe they weren't thinking at all.  How could they boldly and shamelessly use somebody else's credit card/money like it was theirs?  Oh I forgot, criminal minds.

When did it happen?  How did it happen?  It didn't really matter because the end result was the same.  Someone tried to go on a shopping spree on my dime.

Of course, I took all the steps to contain damage.  Top concern is the loss of my driver license.  My poor little driver license is out there somewhere.  Is it being tossed?  Is it in somebody's pocket?  Is someone trying to be me?

Losing my wallet is one thing (and I did my share of that).  Having it stolen is quite another because the latter comes with a criminal intent.  It is out of my control (ok, so maybe I could have safeguard it better), and I feel sad and violated.  Angry is not even the right word to describe how I feel.  I am very sadden to have experienced the ugly side of us humans.

Oh, I do want to note that I have also experienced the best side of humans - I had my lost wallet returned to me more than 5 times.  I have found and  returned lost items to others as well.  Isn't that the right thing to do??  Why can't there be more of the good stuff?  Why can't there be more considerations for others?  Thieves, do you really get a great joy from stealing other people's stuff?

So, yesterday was a sucky day for me.  I joined the stolen wallet victims club.

The Story of the Rabbit Hole Cafe @...

My friends know that I like to cook because I bombard them with pictures of my food (and other people's food) on Facebook, Flickr, Instagram, emails, text messages, etc... and they put up with me.

My family knows that I like to cook because I make them eat my food.  Come over and try this.  Take this home.  Let me know how you like it.  Do you want more?? .... and they oblige.

Some folks say maybe I should open a restaurant.  I say NOPE because I only like the cooking part and not the running/managing part.  Besides, I am not a creative cook.  I don't create recipes.  There are many recipes out there written by great food people and I'm perfectly happy trying them out - maybe improvising here and there.  Basically, I am a copycat.  Moreover, it would be a great cheat if I open a restaurant with other people's recipes.

Still though, I like the idea of giving my cooking an identity.  I want to give it a name.  How about...

• Sut's Kitchen?  Boring!!
• The Kitchen Lab on Berta?  Sounds clinical.
• Berta Cafe?  Nah!
• Rabbit Hole on Berta?  Hmmm... some potential

After few months of part-time brainstorming, something that has to do with rabbit seems to stick,  I like rabbits because I was born in the year of Rabbit and I like anything bunnies.  I like the name Rabbit Hole because it reminds me of clever Bugs Bunny poking his head out from the hole.  It also reminds me of the old Chinese saying, "A clever rabbit always has three holes (hiding places)."

So Rabbit Hole Cafe is it!!  When I cook at home, I call it Rabbit Hole Cafe @ Berta.  When I cook at Robert's, I call it Rabbit Hole Cafe @ Club Jo Lin.  You see, my Rabbit Hole Cafe is virtual.  It's imaginary.  It's cooking at-will.  It's about having fun and enjoying the moment.

Early this morning, a light bulb came on in my head while I was still half asleep.  A logo image came to mind. I grabbed a paper and scribbled this:

What do you think?  I thought it's kind of clever turning "bb" into rabbit ears.  I took a picture and sent to Robert.  Look honey, I'm doing your job!!  Robert liked the idea.  Ha!  That was expert opinion!!  YES!

I later got creative.  I revised my little line art to have the rabbit head poking out from the hole and making the line wavy to give it some energy.  Here:

You like the idea?  Robert thought it was cool but he suggested that I should put the word hole next to rabbit to make the name complete.  Hmmm... I thought holes are supposed to be underground but, heck, I don't argue with someone who designs logos for a living.  So here goes again:

Robert said this looked great then I didn't hear from him until the afternoon.  I knew he was working on a project so I didn't want to bother him anymore with my new-found creativity.  Little did I know, he was busy transforming my simple artwork to this:

TA-DA!!

Oh My God!!  How did he do it?  How did he know this was exactly what I had in mind and with the exact colors I wanted?!?!  I didn't even tell Robert about the colors!!  I was envisioning either a green background with yellow lettering, or a yellow background with black lettering.  The nose of the rabbit would be orange.  Robert changed the nose to eyes but he made them orange.  Just like how I imagined!!

Wow!!  I am so touched!!  I am so blessed that I have a guy who knows me inside out and entertains my craziness all the while putting his project on hold just to make me happy.

Oh man!  I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world!!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  MY SWEETIE!!

So what do I do now?  I guess I'll have to cook a lot more!!

Stay tuned for food pictures from the Rabbit Hole Cafe...

Happy 49th To Me!

When I hit the big 50 last year, I told myself that I may not be that young anymore but I'm not that old either.  So, charge ahead Suts, there is still so much ahead of you.

A year later, I am actually feeling younger and more energetic than my younger self.  I think it is because I live up to my motto that I will live everyday to the fullest.  I may not have the resources to do a lot of the stuff that I want to do, but I do my best with the stuff that I can do.  So a round of applause for me please!!!

Thank you!  Thank you very much!

As I turn 51 today, I've decided that I am actually going to be 49.  Why not?  Age is just a number representing the physical time that we exist on this earth.  How we feel and how we live should not be bounded by this number.  So, there is nothing wrong being younger if I feel younger (and I'm going to be 48 next year).

Am I Benjamin-Buttoning?  In a way yes, but I am not looking to live my physical life in reverse -- I don't want to play with new kids if I go back to kindergarten  -- I just believe that our mind, spirit, soul, thoughts and feelings can be as young as we want it to be.  And, if we do a good job maintaining our physical health, heck, we may really be a Benjamin Button (that would be quite scary I think).

I have learned: Be true to yourself.  Be content.  Be happy.

Happy Birthday to Me!

First Time for Many Things

Colon screening is like a ritual for those who turn 50.   Yap.  Doctor recommends that one should do a colon screening when reaching age 50.  When I had my annual checkup this year, my doc smiled and said, "it's time."

So I had my FIRST colonoscopy yesterday.  Along with the procedure, I also encountered my many firsts:

• First time without solid food for 36 hours - just water and water and water...
• First time having a IV injection - like blood donation except fluid going in not coming out
• First time taking in pure oxygen
• First time being wheeled in a hospital bed - what a weird feeling looking at the ceiling flying by
• First time dozed off under anesthesia - knocked out in less than a minute

What an experience!  Welcome to to middle age, Suts!  The actual screening was the easiest part.  The worst part was preparing for it.  Not being able to eat was hard; drinking that nasty solution and 32 oz of water in one hour time was the hardest - and I had to do it twice!!

There are few ways to do colon screening.  Colonoscopy is the most invasive one yet the most thorough. Don't shy away because the procedure is inconvenient or unpleasant.  Take charge of your health.  Do your screening when the time comes.  This is the best 50th birthday present that you can give yourself.

To read more: Colon Screening

Hello 2014!

Time flew by too quickly.  I didn't even say good-bye to 2013 and here we are, 10 days into the brand new year.

My last post was more than two months ago.  The past two months went by like a blur.  I wasn't even ready for Christmas.  What Christmas??  I was intensively involved with the office move that I lived, breathed and dreamed about it 24/7.

Ahhh, the move...It was quite an experience.  I was volunteered the role of Project Manager.  I was a bit scared at first since I had never handled such a large scale move before, and I certainly had no idea what I was supposed to do.  But, someone had to do it... and I was that someone.

I took a deep breath and jumped into a sea of unknowns.  From overseeing the construction, finding movers, furniture vendors and other service providers, to organizing everything for 20 people to move from a 10,000 square feet office to a smaller 6,000 square feet space... and dealing with the hiccups, insurance requirement, restrictions, scheduling and the aftermath,.... man, now looking back, I had to ask myself, how the heck you did you do it, Suts?

Yes, pat me on the back please.

Everyone was impressed with the efficiency of the move.  The partners were totally blown away that they walked into a brand new office that was fully ready for operation.  All boxes put away; all systems ready to go.

That goes to show, never say you can't.  Just bite the bullet and do it.  Somehow, you will find a way to do it right.

I will face 2014 with my new found fearlessness.  I think 2014 will be an interesting year.  I can't wait to see what it will bring.

Here I come 2014, ready or not!!

I'm 50! I'm 50 Years Old!

The big day is finally here.  I can't believe that I'm half of a century old today (11/6/13).  I don't feel 50 at all.  I thought I would get a little sentimental about turning fifty but you know, it's quite OK.

We are only as old as we feel. A recent survey done by an university (forgot the name) found that most folks don't think AGE makes them feel old.  What makes them feel old is when they can't live independently in their own place anymore and when they can no longer drive.  Great message and it came at the right time.

So, I've decided that I'm going to be the youngest fifty-something that one can be.  Remember, 50 is the new 30.  There is so much ahead of me and I better get going.

Happy Birthday to me!

Different Shades of Gray

I am not fazed by finding gray hair or white hair on my head anymore.  I just look at it, sigh and pluck it. Out of sight.  Out of mind.  I'm thankful though.  The little gray and white thing has not taken over my head and I still have no need for hair coloring (not yet anyway).

As I get used to this "gray" business that comes with getting old, I find different shades of gray hair.  What causes it?  Well, you can blame it on this little pigment called melanin, which is responsible for giving us our hair color.  Without good old melanin, you get:

The silvery white - that's when you totally lost it.
The definite gray - that's when you lost most of it.
The depressing black tip-gray root - sorry, you're losing it
The hopeful white tip-black root - yay, you're regaining it -- maybe?
But, what's up with black tip-white middle-black root? - is this the ultimate comeback??  If so, I have few to show off.

So, as I get ready to turn half of a century old in a week, I gracefully accept the fact that "grayness" is inevitable.   Gray hair is like wrinkles...

UGH!!!

YES.  Wrinkles!!  How can I forget about the wrinkles???  That's part of growing old too!!

But gray hair, wrinkles what not -- getting back to being graceful - we can stay FOREVER YOUNG on the inside because our mind and our heart will not turn gray (unless we kick the bucket) and have wrinkles.

I'll drink to that.  Cheers.

Dust in the Wind

The blue house few doors down across the street is a quiet house. A guy named Tony lives alone. I don't speak to him much but he and Dad chit-chat when they see each other outside.

In the past few days, I saw his garage opened and strangers going in and out taking things out.  I thought Tony decided to move after all these years.

Dad went over to check out. We were shocked to learn that Tony passed away in May.  We couldn't believe it!  According to Tony's brother-in-law, Tony found he had advanced stage cancer last September and it was too late for any treatment.

Unbelievable!  I usually saw Tony coming back from the gym when I left the house in the morning.  We would wave to each other.  So routine. So expected. When was the last time we waved to each other?  How could he just be gone like this?  We didn't even say good-bye. 

Tony's sister and brother-in-law came to clean out his stuff.  They got a big dumpster and just threw all his stuff in.  Bookcases, furniture, clothing and plants.  Everything.  They are going to put the house up for sale.

Just like that. All memories and belongings mean nothing when a person is gone. Whatever Tony had treasured and collected no longer has any value and is disposable.  No attachment.

The dumpster was filled to the top and was hauled away yesterday.  The house is now even more quiet than before.  All gone. There is no trace of Tony and the life he used to have.

Gone.  Just like dust on the wind.  Sad. RIP, Tony.

I Had a Dream

I don't normally dream.  I'm the type that once I fall asleep, I would sleep like a log and descend to the dark quiet ocean floor.

Once in a blue moon I would dream but I would dream of ordinary stuff.  No fantasy, no nightmares, no excitement, nothing weird. Just normal everyday stuff.

I had a dream last night.  I dreamed that while brushing my hair, I discovered that my ponytail had a white tip like Dexter's tail.  I flipped my hair (in my dream) and found that all the hair underneath was white!

UGH!!!

I woke up and realized that it will happen to me someday.  Maybe it's a sign that I need to check out hair colors soon.

That was a very scary dream.  *sob*